You can't win, fish

On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game-winning shot and missed...
-Michael Jordan

These cats always escape reality when they rhyme/
That's why they write about bricks and only dealt wit' dimes
-50 Cent

Kelley calls with dinner plans right as I'm getting heads up with one of the weakest toasters on the planet on Full Tilt.

"Ok. No problem, I should only be a few minutes," I say.

I am going to be in so much trouble.

The toaster obviously hasn't read HFAP because if he did, he'd recognize a chapter written about him. That's the one that talks about what happens when you're so weak that the opponent is stealing all of your money. You must randomize your play and at least gamble a little. This is one of the old-model Cylons. Rigid. Unable to adapt. I will take his money and deny him a chance to eke out a win.

He was obvious when he had a good hand -- he was all-in. That made an easy fold. So I started playing him back in his terms -- I would push all-in with hands like 25o. He would fold.

Anytime he missed the flop, I'd bet the minimum. He'd fold.

It was only a matter of time before I'd beat him.

My current run of SNGs the last two days has been profitable -- I'm 16 of 35 with 6 1st place finishes (6 of 10 heads-up). And it's one of the best ways to burn bonuses at 'Stars and Full Tilt.

Heads-up is a lot like a pitcher's duel. You know, throw left, left, left, then right. I think it's the wiring of my brain. I am more than unpredictable.

Some people are too impatient. When I see a bunch of all-ins, I drain the clock, waiting until I get the buzzer before I fold. Slow down the pace, agitate them a little more.

I'll slowplay some hands, bet others out. I trapped the toaster with 99 in the sb. The flop was 7 high and he was all in -- with 74. But he caught runner-runner 4s to take a 3/4 lead.

I didn't panic. I kept stealing his 1,000-chip big blind with all-in raises with terrible cards.

He caught me one time. I raised all-in with 76o and he called -- with Q9 of all things. I caught trip 7s on the flop.

Then I finished him off. I limped with TT in the sb and he was all in with J9o.

"Murder! Murder! Your life's on the line!" I shout in my room as I stand up, quoting a 50 Cent song as the flop brings him all blanks.

Yes, I missed a game-winning shot to place in the money in yesterday's FTOPS Main Event. But today is a different game, a different day. And there's nothing but net.